I don’t collect magnets or shot glasses or snow globes. Those always end up dusty in a drawer. But hotel key cards? Apparently that’s my thing. After a whole lot of long flights, one bout of food poisoning in an airport bathroom, and several moments of thinking “I… definitely booked the wrong train,” I’ve managed to set foot on all seven continents. These are the boutique places that somehow lodged themselves in my brain (along with the key cards).
Oceania: Te Arai Links in New Zealand
We left Auckland and suddenly the world turned into rolling fields, sleepy cows, and the ocean. I stayed in this big four-bedroom villa where the windows made me feel like I was trespassing inside a postcard. Mornings = stumbling to the kitchen for coffee while still half-asleep. Evenings = arguing over whose marshmallow got burned vs. “golden brown perfection.” Also: I do not golf. I once caused a divot the size of a rabbit hole. But even I thought the fairways looked tempting.
Europe: The Fife Arms in Scotland
This place is like if a Victorian explorer’s attic exploded; I mean that in a loving way. Antlers, wild wallpaper, fancy art next to… taxidermy. I tried a whisky tasting at Bertie’s Bar and did the classic nod-like-you-understand move. “Mmm yes, notes of… oak? smoke?… grape?” Outside, I wandered through the Highlands trying to pretend windburn was a rugged adventurer’s glow.
Africa: Time + Tide Chinzombo in Zambia
Getting here felt like winning a logistical scavenger hunt: a plane… then another… then a safari jeep… and then suddenly: HIPPOS. My “tent” had a plunge pool, which a giraffe casually tried to supervise one afternoon. I didn’t invite them but they came anyway. On game drives I saw lions and elephants and one hyena that made eye contact like it knew all my secrets. Nights were quiet enough that I remembered how small I am in the universe, but in a good way.
Asia: Raffles Singapore
Did I stand up straighter the second I walked in? Yes. Did the doorman notice my “I don’t belong here but I’m thrilled anyway” face? Probably. I ordered the Singapore Sling because you can’t come here and not. And yes, I took the obligatory photo of it. I could see palm trees from my room which made me forget the city outside is basically the future. It’s fancy, but it never made me feel like a confused raccoon rummaging in the wrong trash can. So that’s a win.
South America: Sumaq Machu Picchu Hotel in Peru
This hotel has one major perk: you can get to Machu Picchu before everyone else with a camera does. The food also deserves applause; quinoa became something I’d willingly pay money for again. I learned about Andean rituals, tried to act like the altitude wasn’t punching me in the lungs, and definitely sat dramatically on a rock at one point saying “the mountain wins.” Spoiler: I made it. The hot shower later felt like a spiritual experience.
North America: The Point in Adirondacks, USA
Imagine someone took summer camp and then added a budget that makes no sense to my bank account. That’s The Point. They handed me champagne before I even dropped my bag—instant fan. I kayaked, got lost looking for hidden bars (yes plural), and dressed up for black-tie dinners like a confused extra in a Gatsby adaptation. I accidentally mentioned once that I liked truffles. Later? Truffle popcorn magically appeared. Witchcraft.
Antarctica: National Geographic Resolution
No actual hotels down here; just a ship that feels like one. Scandinavian design, big windows that make the icebergs look like they’re performing a show just for you. They even have these outdoor igloos for stargazing if you feel brave… or reckless. Penguins? Cute from a distance. Up close? Kind of smelly, still adorable though. One morning a whale surfaced so suddenly I dropped my coffee and shrieked. Worth it.
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